I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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