are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
