How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
They have beer where we have blood.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
