i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
