My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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