oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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