How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
