Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
