To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
