You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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