i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
