I think I won the penis lottery.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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