im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
