ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
