Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
