Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
