You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
