Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
