I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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