I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hippo gnu deer
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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