I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
