so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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