He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
