yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My vagina is officially offended.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
