gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize