Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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