Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You are a genius and a whore.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
