HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
