I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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