I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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