Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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