Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
