you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
