Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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