If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
