ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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