john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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