He disabled his match.com account in front of me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
