I feel like abortions should bother me more
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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