So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
