I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
