I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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