I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
