Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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