If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
