Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
