there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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