I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
