he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
