OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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