A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
