you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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