They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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