just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
