it was like his penis was on wheels.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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