I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
