honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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