She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
