All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
