There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
