Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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