Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
