The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
