I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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