Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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