I bet he comes in French.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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