The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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