I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
