I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
