There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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