i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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