Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
