yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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