My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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