you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
