just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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