Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I deserve this hangover.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
