I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
