YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
